well, we finally found our dream home. it’s exactly what we wanted, but never what we expected…
when we began our search for the next place we would call home, we had a clear vision of what we wanted, AND an even clearer vision of what we did not want. we looked at a lot of houses. i mean A LOT. but none of the houses gave us the feeling of this is our home. the search became exhausting. i’ve never heard anyone describe home searching as a fun experience, and now i understand why. you’re searching for your dream home, but the search itself is anything but a dream.
through our search, there was one home that i truly felt was meant to be ours. it was an older home that had been completely remodeled, sitting on over an acre. we wanted a fixer upper, but this house had already been updated with a lot of things we loved. we thought, with a toddler, having this house already finished would be a weight off of our shoulders. and for S to have a big backyard, like i had as a little girl, seemed like a dream come true. my heart skipped a beat. i felt like i understood why all the other homes before this one didn’t work out. it was because God had something even more beautiful and “perfect” for us! i was so excited because i truly felt like this was it.
b u t i t w a s n ’ t.
i was so confused. have you had moments in your life where you were so sure that all the signs pointed you toward a certain path, only to find out you were reading the wrong signs? moments in life where you really thought, okay God, everything is so clear to me now. but then, everything changes course and becomes hazy. you think you know, until you come to the realization that you have no clue.
this was one of those times for me. here, we were shown a home that had almost everything we wanted. it seemed to be as close to perfect as we could get. we had so many signs that led us to looking at that house; yet, the house was never meant to be ours.
in all honestly, i became upset with God. i struggled, wondering why he would place this “perfect” house in our path if it was never meant to be ours. then, i became upset with myself for questioning his intentions, and for worrying.
I know he’s always got me, but my heart and mind still naturally worry.
one day, a friend asked me how our home search was going. i quickly began sharing all the details. she stood there, listening to my frustrations, then sweetly said, “maybe God is showing you what you think you want, because he really has something better for you AND it’s what you NEED.”
i stood there in that moment embarrassed on the inside. it may sound silly for me to have missed that key factor. you know, want vs. need. it seems pretty obvious, doesn’t it? but i completely missed it. i thought i knew, we knew, exactly what we needed, so i was only focused on that. i wasn’t opening my mind and heart up for other possibilities.
that day, God spoke through my friend. he knew i wasn’t listening to HIM, so he spoke through my friend to me. i realized the weight of her (HIS) words. what she said made so much sense, but i had been so consumed with finding the “perfect” home, that i wasn’t listening to God. i was trying to have all of the control, instead of trusting in his plan and letting him have control. i had been blinded, only paying attention to the signs i wanted to follow, so i could end up with what i wanted. i was ignoring the signs he was showing me.
after that conversation with my friend, i went to my car and had a conversation with God. i apologized for not being patient. i thanked him for the blessings he has placed in my life. i thanked him for his unconditional love, especially in times where i am stubborn. and then, i let go. i lifted my worries up and gave them to him.
ahh, letting go. it sounds so simple to easy-going, carefree people, like my husband. but letting go doesn’t come easy for me. it’s not how i am built. God knows that. he understands all parts of me, so he’s always putting moments in my journey to help me remember that he’s got me. he’s always there to remind me that he’s really the one in charge. he’s got me in his hands.
two weeks later, we decided to go visit an area our realtor had been suggesting to us from the beginning. i had kept putting it off because i really didn’t see any potential. the homes in the neighborhood were completely different from anything we had looked at previously.
as we drove through the neighborhood, a feeling came over me. basically, a this is it kind of feeling. since i’m a visual gal, i pictured God up there doing a mhmm face. (but, i know he was probably just giving me a loving smile.)
this home, which was so different from anything before, ended up being the home we chose. this home is something so much better than anything we could have dreamed. this home is what we need.
my mind couldn’t help but go back to that conversation with my friend.
letting go is something i’ll probably always be working on, and that’s okay. i realize i am not perfect and God is still working on me. the good thing is, he is overflowing with love and patience. he knows my faults, and loves me just the same. he knows i like control, so he places moments in my life to help me work on that. i will also say this: in my moments of questioning the next steps for my life or god’s plan for me (be it with work, relationships, purpose, home searches, etc.) he always come through. and i have faith that he always will…it’s just that sometimes i get impatient.
i have found that the exact moment you let go completely, you see his vision completely.
so, you see, i thought we were just looking for our next home, but i also learned a lot about patience + trusting God’s timing. through the journey of finding our home, we also realized how much faith and belief God has in us. building our own home was something we thought was many years down the road, or possibly never in our cards. we didn’t think we were ready, but God has shown us that we are. his plans are greater than anything we could ever dream.
please follow along with us as we watch our home come to life. our home is a lot like our relationship with God. it must be built on a solid foundation. each phase has it’s own timing + pace, just as he shows us his plans in his time.
so, that’s how we ended up with a house that’s exactly what we wanted, but never what we expected…